Ok I had my day of fun to myself now it is time to snap back to reality.  My mom and I are fighting again.  I feel unloved.  Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me.  Nobody likes me enough to want to go out with me.  I know so much about other peoples relationships.  One of my friends girl friends still likes another guy and she like stalks him.  But then my friend thinks that she is into him and stuff when she really isn't.  Life is so flippin confusing,  I need a vacation away from family, friends, and any form of civilization that I already know of.  I cried like 10 times this weekend and I have like major racoon eyes now.  I have had so much loss that I havn't told anyone about besides my family.  Most people don't realize that I am a very emotional person and that I cry alot.  Most people think that I am all fun and games but in reality im only like that once in awhile.  I want to escape.  I have this fantasy of getting away from this small town and seeing the world all by myself but I know that that will never happen atleast not now.  I have to get a job this summer because my mom flat out refuses to help me with college.  It is like I am an ant and she is a little kid with a magnifine glass trying to catch me on fire.  Right now the only vacation available to me is to go to Detroit and visit my sick dad.  I am afraid to call him.  I can't stand to hear him in such pain.  I can't stand being around sick people but everyone and everything around me is somehow falling apart.  What do I do now?  Im so lost.

the one, the only,

rach